Ever relished a great delicacy of fish on the bone (hapo kwa Mama Oliech), steaming hot ugali, a generous serving of vegetables (sukuma wiki is best for me) then just as you get to the fleshy middle it happens…
Something is poking, no, piercing…
Your throat hurts,
You can’t reach for it,
In panic, you drink water, it doesn’t help,
It feels like sweat is coming down your face,
You want to ask for help, but no voice is projecting,
Your eyes start to tear up…
You are choking,
That’s exactly where am at right now, choking, not on a bone but on anger and its building right under my nose into resentment.
Turms out I have a level of OCD, so things have to be done a certain way for me. As well I tend to be very self-sufficient so whether cooking or cleaning or doing what am doing the way I want to do it, I do not like to be assisted (but why...)
That said, those habits can cause anyone around me to feel very insufficient and insignificant (Lord, help me overcome).
So as a result of this, I think I crossed N in the house and since then she has been very quiet (which is not good) but yesterday, she crossed the line. I knocked the door and she blatantly ignored and went about her duties as if the door was not being broken down (after so many knocks, I started shaking the doors). This got to me so bad that when I got into the house I too plugged into the silent treatment…
REMOVING THE BONE
Back to Mama Oliech’s restaurant...
You want the bone out,
The water hasn’t helped,
Then a friend, noticing the 2 minutes of anguish admonishes
“Chuna ugali ule yenyewe”,
It sounds like torture but as the ball of flour goes down your throat, it takes the thorn with it, probably breaks it in two, but the joy and freedom that cannot be hid from your face hardly allow you to think of the problem now solved.
Fast forward to today, I could hardly have morning praise; every song I sang hit a dead end. I could hardly even read the Bible; then it hit me - my choking is from more than a bone. I am choking especially on the pride that cannot allow me to ask what I have done and then apologize for it. Woi! (Mungu nisaidie).
As I flew past the inspired pages the Holy Spirit, always chastising and correcting me re-routes me to the only piece of ugali that can wash down this huge bone that is stuck in my throat - Matthew 5:23-24
23Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; 24Leave there thy gift at the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.
So while am on my from the altar to go and be reconciled to my sister I realize how hard it is to swallow this ugali yet it is what I need to do to get out of this life-threatening situation. I am tempted to put it aside for some time, to eat it later, to act up on it when convenient.
The truth however is that am choking, I can feel the sweat coming down my brow, and I want to speak up, but find that I have zero words.
I need for this situation to change and it is now clear that I must improve the present opportunity by promptly acting upon God’s direction lest I give the devil a foothold.
Dear friend, are you like me, choking?
What will you do?